How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
