Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
