Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
