Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Mom said you looked used
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
