You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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