oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
