i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize