Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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