I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Randomize
