I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
