The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
