So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
