I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
