She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
