Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
