I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
