I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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