3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
