what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
not ubering you a puppy
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize