Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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