I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
