Jerry, you need to find god
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
