I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
