I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
