Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize