saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize