Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
