somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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