good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
