I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
