Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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