I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
