I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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