Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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