hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
