sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
