dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
