She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
