WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
