Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
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