if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
