We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
