Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
