why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
