I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
