how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
