And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
