I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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