I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize