Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
