She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
