he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
