Your tits are I can't wait for
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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