pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
