Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The beer is more important than you right now.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
