Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You don't make any sense
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