did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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