I hate all girls vehemently.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize