Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
