I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
