So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
