My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
