My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
as a side note pls kill me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
